The Person I am With Everyday

A call from her mother and the alarm clock wake her up about 4:30 am every day. In most of the time, she’ll just ignore them and continue to shut her world from the call of a busy world. All the clocks in their home are set about 30 minutes earlier than the real time because her mother says she doesn’t know how to move quickly. It will take about several alarm clock snooze rings and calls downstairs from her mother before she’ll get up. The moment she opens her eyes, she’ll utter a silent prayer for the new life and His continued guidance.

Breakfast is a bonding time to her and her mother. In most of the time, she’ll arrive home late and tired to even sit down and converse with her, so the conversation happens during breakfast. The girl with lots of rituals in bathing, she’ll spend about 30-40 minutes in the bathroom. Shampooing and conditioning her hair takes most of the bath time. From the bathroom, she’ll rush to put on her contact lens, which, in most time, difficult to wear. Then, rush again to put on her clothes and makeup. She really has this ‘affinity’ to ‘rushing’ things before coming to work.

Before leaving their home, she’ll kiss her Mom and say good bye. Since she was just a young girl, she never forgets to kiss her Mom before leaving their home (and arriving from work, school, or from anywhere). She feels that it’s the best way to have her mother’s guidance and blessing whenever she’s away from home.

Commuting to work, she’ll walk fast to ride a tricycle, passing the terminal. Tricycle drivers in their place know very well that she’ll pass them by. She’s been into some petty arguments with them before because the tryke won’t leave until there are no vacant seats. Meaning to say, she’ll be late for work (for the nth time!). Then, at the Olivarez-Binan jeepney terminal at the Bulihan entry, she’ll race along with other passengers to get to the jeep as fast as she can instead of waiting for the next jeepney to come (and be late for another more minutes!).

Arriving in Olivarez in Binan, Laguna, she’ll wait for traffic light to turn red so she can cross the busy street. There was a crossover (She thought it was flyover. You see, she can’t just recognize the difference between flyover and crossover. The same way that she’s confuse about a lot of several things. Worst, she’s not even sure that it’s crossover. Lol!) That was constructed in a hurry so the Mayor’s and Vice-Governor’s ultra big names can be flaunted there. Talk about building up a good image for the incoming election. She has tried using this crossover once. But never did it again because live electric wires connecting the big electric posts in the highway are all scattered on the middle part, that’s wide enough for her to hop over (when she’s very pa-girl). One wrong move and you’ll be dead. The nerve of these politicians to flaunt their names on substandard projects like that…

The traffic that she encounters everyday from GMA, Cavite to Olivarez is a bit better compared with the traffic that await for her from Olivarez to San Pedro. This is more so in Pacita where most of the bus terminals are located and in Landayan where it’s flooded by devotees of Jesus in the Holy Sepulcher. This should be a daily scenario that she’s supposed to have mastered dealing with everyday. But no. In most of the time, she still gets frustrated and stressed when the highway suddenly turns into a big parking lot. This girl is very much hates herself for always being late at work.

When she reaches United (short for United San Pedro Subdivision where their office is located) late, she’ll opt to ride a tryke from the terminal, costing P21 (as of this writing). This is her punishment to herself whenever she’s late. She wants the tryke drivers benefit from her being late. But in some rare times when she arrives early, she’ll go for one of the trykes that will stop for her. This cost on P7. A big saving for her daily budget at work.

Arriving at their office, she’ll rush to the comfort room to check on herself. One of the hassles of commuting is the big possibility of you inhaling the polluted air, getting your face oily, and your hair messed up. She wants to make sure that before several of her officemates see her, she’s as presentable as she can be. When she gets to her cubicle, she’ll immediately open her laptop and check for clients’ e-mails or offline messages from her boss and officemates about a project. Positive feedbacks from clients can certainly brighten up her day.

She makes it a point, if she can manages to, to always tune in to RX Monster Radio’s The Morning Rush with Chico and Del, or to Love Radio’s Tambalan to set her mood. These are her favorite radio programs. She really appreciates these radio tandems and loves their views on lots of things. Listening to them brings lots of smiles in her face, as well as silent/controlled laughs.  There was a time when she almost fell on the floor laughing when suddenly a window chat popped out on her laptop screen. It was her boss asking what is she doing at the moment. Good thing that their room is the only area in the entire office that has no web cams. Her boss’ question has nothing to do with her ‘almost fell on the floor from laughing out loud’ status. He was following up on the status of the web sites she’s doing.

In most of the time, she fights with her narcoleptic mood as she digs herself doing her daily writing and editing tasks. There came a time when she can drink about three cups of coffee a day. But hyperacidity trimmed her coffee addiction to just one cup. Green tea then became her alternative for the black drink.

This person I am with everyday learned that she needs to befriend stress. She realized that it’s pointless to let stress affect her life that much since factors causing it are, well, inevitable. It best that way, she knew it.

She has gone through a lot of things most people could never even imagine. But no, don’t get her wrong. Like what most of you know about her, she was raised as a God fearing person and willing to fight for what she believes is right. She’ll remain firm with her belief as long as she knows she is right. But this girl doesn’t think it’s too difficult to say sorry if she’s wrong. She could be the most sincere person you could ever meet.

Since her father died, she was automatically programmed to be strong, more on the emotional aspect, because no one’s there to protect her, her mother, and her two older sisters. She speaks her mind strongly when needed. She’s very transparent with the way she feels and thinks. A thing that some people either love or hate most about her.

This person I am with everyday cries easily. She laughs out loud when very much happy. She screams when she’s too excited or mad.

It took me a while to introduce this person I am with everyday. I guess, I just need to check on her most of the time. To prove that I know her more than everyone else. I know her a lot. So enough to keep her faith whole and make her spirit strong. i know her faith and her family keep her sanity always.

Ninja

This is not supposed to be the topic of my blog now. I don’t even know if this would give justice to my hiatus from WordPress. The topic I started several hours ago seems vague, even when I’ve written almost an entire page for it. It should be clear to my mind first. What’s happening to me? I tried to surf on some sites. Stared from my window and saw the scary dark night. Even if I’ve just saw my celebrity crush, Coco Martin, nothing can’t seem to inspire me to blog. I was just planning a day before that if I can get to finish a blog now, I’ll write a status message on FB about what inspired me to blog again. It’s barely an hour before this day ends. And yet, I’m just re-starting to blog. Inspiration. In what form will it come to me? Goodness gracious. Talk about another writer’s block.

Ninja. It’s not the ninja most people know nor does it refer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Tryin hard to sound funny). The ninja I’m referring to is a slang term for people who disappear without a trace. I’ve met a lot of them. I don’t know why I’m prone to meet people, or specifically guys, like them :(

Ninja One. He used to be my ideal man. My young heart felt so blessed that I’ve met him. But the frequent visits were trim down to none. The next thing I knew was were off. No explanation. I’ve almost drowned my self from tears and took me almost a decade to finally accept that we’re not meant to be. He’s happily married now.

Ninja Two. I have this college crush whom I’ve been ‘spying’ on online for quite some time now. But knowing that a really good friend likes him a lot made me suppressed my feelings. I wanted to think that he likes me as well. But I’m dismissing the thought (Sorry, I can’t help my self to become so ‘feeling’ at times…). I’ve realized that my poor heart no longer deserves to hope and assume. Guys can make you feel ultra special, but they don’t mean it. They don’t mean it because they’re just like that to a lot of girls as well.

Ninja Three. The time I was recovering from my Ninja One, I asked God for some few signs for the next man that I’ll fall in love with. When I started with my second job, God granted all those ‘signs’ and found them all to this guy. He even asked me to marry him. Now, he’s married to someone else.

Ninja Four. He’s a straight forward guy who told me that he likes me and so bold enough to say that maybe, I’m the one he’s been looking for all along. Giving our selves the chance to know if we’d click, I found out that he doesn’t really like me at all. He asked me for more than what I can give. And that’s all he needs to say to turn me off. And then he went ninja per my permission.

Ninja Five (‘Cant believe they’re five). He’s a humble man and I appreciate he’s being so trusting and very vocal about his mom, dad, and sisters. This guy made me think that maybe if we’re not meant for a romantic relationship, we’d click as good friends. I like his personality. But our chats and his calls abruptly ended. I don’t even know if he’s been to the Philippines recently. He said we’ll meet, but we never. I hope nothing’s bad happened to you, friend. To be honest, nag-alala ako more than disappointed. I hope you can read this. Don’t worry, friend. I’m honestly not expecting anything romantic between us. I just know in my heart that you are a good person who can also be a really good friend. Take care wherever you are.

Some of the guys I described here have been mentioned and discussed in my previous blogs. Whenever I try to go back to what had happened, a bit of loneliness still creeps in. I know I should have been writing more on topics that I ought to write about – earthquake in Haiti, incoming Philippine presidential election… So sorry. Sometimes, as much as I wanted to focus my writing more on socially relevant issues, personal issues get in the way…

Meeting ninjas is sad. Maybe something is really wrong with me. Or maybe they’re meant to become ninjas that way. Or maybe, someone who’ll stay is yet to come. As Michael Buble’s song goes ‘I just haven’t met you yet…’

Good evening, everyone! Err, Good morning, rather

More to Come Soon

The holiday season made me so occupied with lots of things. But I’ll surely post new entries here soon as I can. I need to prepare my self for a really loaded year ahead. Thank you to all those who are and still visiting my blog! God bless everyone!

When You Don’t Want Your Name to Be Called, Yet

They say that hearing your name is music to your ears. That is probably true especially when your name is uttered with beautiful and/or positive statements or announcements. I can’t forget the time I won at least 2^nd place in an essay writing contest back in college when I represented Cavite State University’s College of Arts and Sciences in Indang. Victory was out of context because I was starving the time I joined. I was supposed to have lunch first before sitting at the contest room and torture my brain to write a masterpiece. But the contest coordinator suddenly called me up in the corridor to say that the contest will start in a few minutes. Huwatt??!!! That’s all I can ever say at my mind. Without any objection, I entered the room with empty stomach, almost wanting to cry because of self pity seeing the faces of the other contestants fully prepared. I was literally hearing the grumbling of my stomach, noisily interrupting my busy mind. Lol!!!!

This was the same feeling I get during graded recitations back in the university. Though I reviewed and prepared, my confidence doesn’t amount to my capacity to deliver impressive answers to any questions. How can I forget the time my name was called up to recite the summary of Shakespeare’s Hamlet (Or was it Macbeth?) in class? Waahhhh! My face was blushing red in tense, nervousness, fear, and lack of confidence. And my hands were sweating terribly I can almost soak my hanky on it. Lol! I was able to recite it, but boy, I almost consumed the entire period just for that. Lol!

It’s certainly like one hell of a panic attack when you hear your name with really-not-so-good, ear-pleasing statements or announcements. Like last night in our Christmas party. I was praying hard to win one of the major appliances in the raffle. Then suddenly I heard my name being called for. Not for the laptop, home entertainment, DVD player, iPod, or flat TV. But for one of the minor appliances. The thought of me not having the chance any more to win any of those major items made me disappointed. I wanted my name to be called up in the raffle winners, but not at that time yet. Just imagine my disappointment made more awkward by the ‘kantyaw’ of my insensitive officemates when I was receiving the raffle prize. People can be so pathetically insensitive and careless sometimes.

Then came the FilWeb Idols part, the talent competition for each department and the highlight every Christmas party in our company. We know that our presentation is not way behind those of other departments. It was our (my) first time to dance Singkil or folk dance for that matter for a contest (My extracurricular activities back in school were more on essay writing contests and spelling bees and not for performing arts). But it was an ‘Earth, please swallow me now’ moment when I heard the hosts announced that the Writing Department is the first placer. Meaning to say, we no longer hold the throne of being the champion. I saw the disappointment registered on the faces of my team, most particularly for Resty and Ate Me-An, whom we just ‘imported’ even if they are not officially part of the department, and for Nikki and Allan, the babies in our team who experienced the Christmas party in the office for the first time. My disappointment was more for them. I suddenly became so sad I felt a pinch on my heart and heavy breathing. We tasted defeat as if we never became losers ever.

Maybe we just don’t deserve it. Or it’s really not meant for us after all. We played the game the best that we can. I learned that when a bitter situation confronts you face to face, you must try to remain silent and composed. Handle the situation and behave as a thinking person. Don’t stop believing that God has a reason for everything.

Blessed evening, everyone!

Blanked

It is four minutes before 6PM as I start to write this entry. I just finished my routinary ‘aero dance’ with my niece. The view from my room’s window is completely surrounded by the looming dark night. Cold seasonal wind chills my spine. Natasha Bedingfield’s ‘Soulmate’ cries from my laptop’s speakers. The music, I think, is written for someone like me J I wish I could perform that on drums or piano, if only I know how to. It’s one of my frustrations. If our church could buy a new set of musical instruments soon, maybe our music ministry can teach me to play least one instrument.

Then, suddenly I’m blanked. I’m without a direction what to write about. Staring at the immaculate white MS Word before me, a chat suddenly popped out from my screen. It was my former officemate. Asking for forgiveness and for us being at least ‘civil’ to each other. I can’t. Now. Just for once, please, allow me to be unkind. Sometimes, I wanna get tired of being so kind and understanding to people. Because no matter how nice and sincere you can be to them, they can still return your kindness with pain. God must be frowning at me now. I am so sorry. In due time, I guess, I can be ‘civil’ with them. The pain, I guess, has made me so numb. Again and again. And again.

This was one of those blogging moments when I will start to write a new post then stop because I really don’t have an exact thing in mind to discuss about. I just wanna write and pour out all my thoughts at the moment. And so this post was continued after about almost a month. Lol!!! I got so busy practicing for FilWeb Asia’s Writing Department’s bid to defend our championship (We have this FilWeb Idols talent competition every Christmas party). Add to that the inconvenient scenario at home the past month due to some repair and renovation works. At least now I can sigh with relief that it’s all over now. Our Christmas party was held last night.

Some Revelations I Used to Be Afraid, Hesitant, and Shy to Share…

This was originally posted on my FS blog on December 2, 2006. I’ll soon write a follow up to this, a much updated version. This re-posted entry has some few tweaking. I just want to share (again) my thoughts and experiences on some things…

LIFE
Should be entrusted to God completely

POLITICS
Most people who are into it are lured by the desire to gain power and money and not by the devotion to serve (God’s) people. It sucks.

PHIL. GOVT
It thinks Filipinos are gullible. But Juan Dela Cruz’s race thinks and acts like one at times, especially during election. So depressing. Beware of the ultra dirty traditional politicians. Mas may silbi sana sila nung dumating sila Ondoy, Peping, at Santi kasi kelangan ng maraming trapo nun panlinis ng maruming kapaligiran (Weeehh.. bad girl… Got it from an entry in Chico and Delamar’s Top Ten in RX Monster Radio)

FAMILY
Second to God. People who’ll love you as you are and help you grow closer to God.

FRIENDSHIP
Truly an amazing God’s gift. No commitment and yet true love resides.

RELATIONSHIPS
Should be an extension of one’s best self. Don’t be into it if you haven’t found yourself yet. It’s not the missing piece that would complete you. That ultra special someone should complement you.

“The most amazing love is the one you have for yourself. And if you find someone who love the YOU you love, then that’s just fabulous..”(Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City”)

SINGLE BLESSEDNESS
If you’re not happy being single, then you can’t be happy if you’re in a relationship as well.

IDEAL DATE
Anywhere that stars (Hey, Spica!) and the moon can be seen best

SWEETEST THING(S) THAT A GUY CAN DO
Sing me a song. Laugh at my super corny jokes.  Pray with me.

WORST THING THAT HE CAN DO
Make me feel that I don’t exist

PEOPLE I CONSIDER MOST WONDERFUL
Those who speak their minds without even trying to impress; those who talk about how much they love their family; those who express their religious faith without bragging how his/her soul would be saved come doomsday; those who dream big and put their hearts on it; those who have scarred soul but stay beautiful

THING THAT CAN FREAK ME OUT AND LOSE MY RESERVED PERSONALITY
Insult me or hurt anyone in my family

UNPLEASANT BEHAVIOR THAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL EXTREMELY UNWORTHY
Scream at my face. It would make me cry in an instant. My Tatay never even did it to me when he was still alive.

ONE OF THE MOST DARING THINGS I EVER DID
Raced through a bus stop to look for my English 23 Instructor (Who extremely disliked me because I’m part of the student paper that she considers “pasaway.” We write articles in the paper against her then because she’s way abusive of her being a teacher) in a bus where I suspected her to be to pass my thesis proposal. The bus had then started to move and I was like crazy looking for her when all along I knew that she had noticed me na. And when I finally saw her, I insisted that she has no reason whatsoever not to accept my proposal. Kasi sabi nya she will not accept propposal once she reached Trece Martirez where she lives. The ride was then halfway through to Indang-Trece boundary and she was like delaying her decision so I would be rejected.

She gave me 3 on the subject. The lowest grade I ever received all my school life, in one of the subjects I like best. One major move that crushed by cum laude dream I promised for my nanay..

MAJOR EGO-BREAKING THING I DID IN 2006 (as of Dec1)
Phoned in someone I’ve been praying to talk to, to ask for a time when we could “settle” “unsettled things.” The talk never materialized (I’m sooooo over this by now anyway. Closure has found its way to my soul last 2007 pa).

ONE OF MY FONDEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
Ate an orange crayon! ‘Was so curious about what would happen when the orange crayon mixed with my red, young blood. I was like 4 or 5 then. My Tatay almost suffered from panic attack.

ENCOUNTER WITH A TERROR ELEM. SCHOOL TEACHER
It was my first time to see a giant world map almost the size of the entire blackboard. I was so amazed by its hugeness that when my teacher called my name to show to the class where an Asian country is, it took me forever to locate it. She was so yamot that she held my head against the board (while I’m praying that may the floor swallow me whole) while screaming right to my face: LAKIHAN mo kasi ang mga mata mo!!!

My enraged nanay showed up to the guidance office the next day. Then I saw my teacher reported to the principal’s office that afternoon, head down. Since then, I became traumatized to teachers with short curly hair, thick eyeglass, big rolling eyes and pregnant-like belly. And since then also, I promised to myself that no one can ever make me feel so ‘tanga’ again. Ever.

ADVICE THAT MY TATAY ALWAYS TELLS ME WHEN HE WAS STILL ALIVE
‘Wag kang papa-api..”

Self Defense

I started to appreciate this guy back in 2006,  when I saw him again after several years. His pains and struggles made us somewhat ‘close,’ I thought. He made me wanted to care for him. But I was holding back the feelings. It was too awkward. My appreciation for him, I guess, wants/needs to take a back seat for now. I don’t wanna yearn for someone who’s attention is not mine. Or maybe, really not meant for me at all. To let go of it and to surrender this aspect of my life to Him, I’m posting this poem for you to mark my farewell to that emotion. Weeh… So emo! LOL!!! I’ve actually made this poem in 2008 pa. The poem is more than a year old already.

Self Defense

Nag-uubos ka lang ng load,

Everytime na nagti-text ka

Ng tungkol sa buhay mo at sa kahit anong bagay.
Wala ka lang makausap,

Sa tuwing pinagti-tripan mo akong asarin,

Na parang natutuwa ka pa

Kapag naiinis na ako.
Common na sanyong mga lalake

Yung magpa-asa, magpa-sakay.

Na pag naniniwala na kaming mga babae,

Bigla nyo kami bibitawan.
Di lang naman

Ikaw ang na-encounter kong

Ganun. Nagkalat ang mga

Tulad nyo. Bakit nga ba nagkalat

Ang mga tulad nyo?
Ayoko na. Siguro

Nag-expire na rin

Kung ano mang paghanga

Na meron ako sayo.

Di mo rin naman kasi napapansin.
Hindi na lang ako aasa na

Baka nga gusto mo talaga ako kausap,

Na somehow,

May puwang na ako

Sa manhid mong puso.
Magbababad na lang rin siguro

Ako sa anaesthesia.

Tulad mo…

Daily Vacation of this Weirdness of Me

Watching TV is really not my cup of tea. I don’t know why this weirdness of me never developed that much interest to television. The same is true with movies. This weirdness of me really never became that addicted to them. I do of course watched and closely followed a couple of TV programs (well, ‘Ewoks,’ ‘Care Bears,’ and ‘Meteor Garden.’ LOL!!! A friend once told me that he remembers me whenever he recalls the image of Care Bears Ahhm.. I do watch tv programs and films but it’s more on like, I’ll be ok even if can’t get to watch any movies for a couple of years or so; or that, I can survive a day or week without a television.

Behind this ‘apathy’ to those famous visual entertainments (add computer games or games to films and tv) is my affinity to radio (or music for that matter. ‘don’t have iPod or MP4 and I don’t think I’ll be buying any of them in the future. I’m contented with my cell phone radio) and well, books I’m so more into them that I can’t last a day without having my daily dose of music and reading moments. On my bed just beside my big pillow are lots of reading stuff I don’t know which one I started to read or need to continue. LOL!!! I read each depending on my mood! LOL!!! There’s the Bible of course, but God, so sorry haven’t read it in a while. It feels as if I’m not ‘yet’ deserving to read it by now. So I depend on our Friday Bible study in the office, Saturday Bible study at home, and Sunday service to feed my Bible hungry soul and spirit.

Why this came to my senses ‘again’ is brought by my recent exposure to FB. Friend invites to play games constantly receive ‘ignore’ actions, you can never see a single trace that I played any of them. I feel so lost to this social networking site whenever I see friend updates on the games they played, while me is contented to adding friends and accepting some non-game invites, chatting, checking some profiles, viewing photos, and ‘spying’ some people.

I tried spending several hours sitting on the Internet reading few good stuff online or be entertained by some Youtube videos. At the end of the day, I still go back to radio or music and books to accompany me as I recall how I spent the entire day, miss someone, think of someone, try to catch sleep, or keep my self silent to pray. Nothing compares to that ‘vacation’ when you flip through each page or have your soul serenade by some beautiful music.

Good evening everyone!

Zach, thank you for reading my blog! Please teach me how to speak German some time

Brain Cells

Jing, a dear friend of mine, told me a piece of advice I always try to remember: ‘Ang brain cells, irreplaceable at di nagmu-multiply. Sayang lang ang brain cells mo if mapupuno lang ng sadness at pain. Dapat happy thoughts.’

Sayang ang brain cells…

Everytime na naiisip ko ang lalaking paulit-ulit akong niyaya magpakasal nun, via chat lang, na all along ay di naman pala seryoso. Gullible kasi ako at times. I go back to that advice…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa officemate ko na sobrang interested sa buhay ko na lahat ng kilos ko ay pinupuna at lagi syang may negatibong komento, iniisip ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa mga pasaway na tryke drivers sa terminal malapit samen, pati na rin mga ilang jeepney drivers (sorry po for including you here…) na nakakalimutan yatang naghahanap-buhay rin ako at kelangan kong pumasok ng maaga tuwing inaabot sila ng dekada pagkuha at paghihintay ng pasahero, nire-recall ko sa isip ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa tuwing may nangungulit magtanong why I’m still single until this time, yung tanong na may halong pangungutya at the back of their minds, deep sigh na lang tsaka…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag may pasaway at maligalig na client sa office, think straight and properly pa rin tsaka…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag depress-depressan ang mood ko, iiyak lang ako saglit kahit parang mukha na akong tanga then naiisip ko yung advice…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag may naiinis saken at pinaparamdam at pinapakita talagang inis sya saken, tatahimik lang ako while uttering lots of prayers in my head para i-deal ng tama ang sitwasyon (yun ay kung na-control ko rin ang katarayan ko… joke! lol!), then sasabihin ko sa sarili ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag naguguluhan na ako sa nangyayari at di na keri ng powers ko, maingay ang katahimikan sa isip ko dahil gusto ko magdasal, kahit paluha na ang mga mata ko. Then feeling ko sinasabi saken ng isang angel…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Hayz.. Just last night, may 2 bagay akong prinomise sa Kanya. Sabi ko, part of that ‘little sacrifice’ is para sa isang makulit na hiling ko sa Kanya matagal na. Sana di Sya nakukulitan saken Ayoko na kasi sana magkaron ng useless fears and worries.

Sayang ang brain cells…

Kaya God, please continue to take charge of our lives po

Good night everyone! Special thank you to Warren Wong for taking time to always read my mushy sentiments sa blog ko na to… God bless…

One of My Most Important Realizations as a Writer

It just came to my senses again when I read a friend’s blog. It haunts me at first. But I am more definite now.

Few years back when I was an active student writer, my pen tackles mostly issues concerning the studentry, Philippine politics, and other matters majority of the people would simply not care about, even if they concern them. My ink was designed solely for these topics I considered it a sin not to tackle or made mention any of them in my Culture Clash column and all my articles. I embraced my idealisms wholeheartedly. I felt like I could help change the world through my pen. I never felt so human since then.

Pen is mightier than sword. Through writing, I believe my ink could speak for the condition of my fellow students and the suffering people. My fear that I might not graduate because one of my major subject instructors and our college dean were so mad at me was lesser than my ‘call’ to fight for what I believe is right. Never had I imagined that I’ll be so used talking to the university gods whenever an issue of our paper is released. I learned how to speak up bravely and stand for my idealisms. Even if it meant losing my cum laude bid, losing some friends, and gaining more enemies.

That was my ink. When I stepped into the corporate world, I continue with my writing. But my writing changed direction. My idealisms (unconsciously/suddenly) took a back seat and embraced the demands and requirements of the business world. If before my ink is flaming red with the socio political issues I fearlessly write, now, it’s like a perfume giving good smell equivalent to admirable reputation for companies, products, and services. I become even more dedicated to my craft and profession as a writer.

Then, I thought about my being a student writer back in college. Have I already forgotten it? Have I completely given up on my fight through my ink? Have I years after university? Every time I read a newspaper or watch news, I can’t help but to feel so bad, frustrated, and disappointed. I’m still mad over the selfish politicians and cruel and abusive people existing on this planet. I’m still enraged over those things.

But what I’ve realized is that, no one can change the world over night. You can’t write about feudalism, bureaucrat capitalism, and imperialism when you are living luxuriously in the comfort of your own home, eating more than three times a day, and socialize with people ignorant of the face of poverty. You can’t write about these things when all your clothes, accessories, personal effects, and even your ‘pambahay,’ is Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren. You can’t claim that you know the pain of people suffering from abuse and extreme hunger when your stomach is always filled. You can’t get people to believe in you when all you’re writing about is miles apart from how you live your life. I see leaders of famous party list groups very vocal about condemning the Philippine government and the U.S. imperialism, but living a life luxuriously and spending holidays in Uncle Sam’s land.

I don’t want to be like that. If I were to persuade people, encourage them to fight for their idealisms, to care for others, to give a damn about what’s happening in our society, I want them to see my own idealisms and beliefs not only through my writing. I want them to see it with the way I live. Practice what you preach. That rule very much applies to this case as well.

When you are too absorbed by the idea of making everyone buy your idea, you have the tendency to forget the very nature of what you wish to convey. And when that happens, you’re not becoming faithful with the idea of using your pen to the cause that you want to uphold. And you’ll consequently never find fulfillment in that.

I may not be writing what I used to tackle when I was a student writer. But now, being a writer by profession, every time I write something about a company, a product, or a service, I always see to it that I infuse some touch of my being a Filipino and my home land. This, I think, is one simple action I can always do and make people see and believe