When You Don’t Want Your Name to Be Called, Yet

They say that hearing your name is music to your ears. That is probably true especially when your name is uttered with beautiful and/or positive statements or announcements. I can’t forget the time I won at least 2^nd place in an essay writing contest back in college when I represented Cavite State University’s College of Arts and Sciences in Indang. Victory was out of context because I was starving the time I joined. I was supposed to have lunch first before sitting at the contest room and torture my brain to write a masterpiece. But the contest coordinator suddenly called me up in the corridor to say that the contest will start in a few minutes. Huwatt??!!! That’s all I can ever say at my mind. Without any objection, I entered the room with empty stomach, almost wanting to cry because of self pity seeing the faces of the other contestants fully prepared. I was literally hearing the grumbling of my stomach, noisily interrupting my busy mind. Lol!!!!

This was the same feeling I get during graded recitations back in the university. Though I reviewed and prepared, my confidence doesn’t amount to my capacity to deliver impressive answers to any questions. How can I forget the time my name was called up to recite the summary of Shakespeare’s Hamlet (Or was it Macbeth?) in class? Waahhhh! My face was blushing red in tense, nervousness, fear, and lack of confidence. And my hands were sweating terribly I can almost soak my hanky on it. Lol! I was able to recite it, but boy, I almost consumed the entire period just for that. Lol!

It’s certainly like one hell of a panic attack when you hear your name with really-not-so-good, ear-pleasing statements or announcements. Like last night in our Christmas party. I was praying hard to win one of the major appliances in the raffle. Then suddenly I heard my name being called for. Not for the laptop, home entertainment, DVD player, iPod, or flat TV. But for one of the minor appliances. The thought of me not having the chance any more to win any of those major items made me disappointed. I wanted my name to be called up in the raffle winners, but not at that time yet. Just imagine my disappointment made more awkward by the ‘kantyaw’ of my insensitive officemates when I was receiving the raffle prize. People can be so pathetically insensitive and careless sometimes.

Then came the FilWeb Idols part, the talent competition for each department and the highlight every Christmas party in our company. We know that our presentation is not way behind those of other departments. It was our (my) first time to dance Singkil or folk dance for that matter for a contest (My extracurricular activities back in school were more on essay writing contests and spelling bees and not for performing arts). But it was an ‘Earth, please swallow me now’ moment when I heard the hosts announced that the Writing Department is the first placer. Meaning to say, we no longer hold the throne of being the champion. I saw the disappointment registered on the faces of my team, most particularly for Resty and Ate Me-An, whom we just ‘imported’ even if they are not officially part of the department, and for Nikki and Allan, the babies in our team who experienced the Christmas party in the office for the first time. My disappointment was more for them. I suddenly became so sad I felt a pinch on my heart and heavy breathing. We tasted defeat as if we never became losers ever.

Maybe we just don’t deserve it. Or it’s really not meant for us after all. We played the game the best that we can. I learned that when a bitter situation confronts you face to face, you must try to remain silent and composed. Handle the situation and behave as a thinking person. Don’t stop believing that God has a reason for everything.

Blessed evening, everyone!