‘Let Me Know’ talks about my concept of crush that I thought is the same with love , while ‘If Red Turns White’ is my idea of world peace … Please bear with my ka-cornyhan

Let Me Know…

How the moon produces its light,
Shining very bright.
With its marvelous intensity,
So enchanting all at night.

How airplane flew in sky,
Soaring over clouds.
With its fabulous tings of weight,
So wonderful in our sight.

How Romeo met Juliet,
Falling in love together.
With their brilliant love story,
That captured all our hearts.

How you dearly love me,
Deeply and faithfully.
With your unfading love,
That makes me love you too!

If Red Turns White

If red turns white,
Blues will fade away.
Like a sun in the sky
That gives its smile to everyone.

The storms will not give havoc anymore.
Nor strike their frightful lightnings,
Neither inveigh husky winds.
For the wind will be fine and set at ease.

Cats and dogs will embrace each other.
Sharing foods and drinks together.
Treating each other’s friendship in pink.
Fading gray envy that reigns before.

We don’t need to wish upon a star.
Nor allow another tiger
To swallow another deer.

For we will have everything,
If red turns white…

TALA

Madilim ang pinta ng kalawakan.
Kahit nagpupumilit kuminang ang
Ngiti ng mga bituin,
Dinadaig naman ito ng
Nakasimangot na ulap.

Pero makulit ang isang bituin.
Dahil naniniwala syang ang
Ngiti nya lang ang magsasabog ng
Kulay sa kalawakan, nanatili
Syang masaya.

Wala naman kasing dapat ikalungkot…

Kung mapusyaw man ang
Kislap ng ngiti ng bituin ngayon
Sa kalangitan,
Marahil natatabunan lang ng
Mga nag-aalburutong mga ulap…

Mamaya,
Titingkad din ang kislap ng mga bituin.

We’ve anticipated that the road will be transformed into a big parking lot again (just like the usual heavily congested road scenario in major thoroughfares in Manila ) because of the heavy volume of vehicles, which are mostly comprised of private rides. But we never knew that it was that worst. Since the jeepney we were riding was stucked for like five years, we were given more time to ‘inspect’ the area, our fellow passengers, and those walking on the road.  Couples are everywhere they’re becoming eyesore already. Lol!!! Really, being single in a couple’s world is difficult. Insensitive people treat your being single like a defect on your personality. An old school, irrational, and subjective perception more reflective of their own flaw(s).  Sometimes, their ‘carelessness’ to express their awful opinions on singles and singlehood cut straight through my senses, I go ballistic at the back of my mind. Lol!!!

When we finally arrived at Picnic Grove, we decided to rest for a while on a shady, grassy area. It was a really blistering afternoon. And again, we got to observe lots of couples in the area, as if slapping our faces with what is ‘missing’ with us. lol!!! While we are kind’a being ‘inaasar’ by the scenario, we’ve contented ourselves with a funny conversation about random things. The people around us can’t help but to look at our direction because of our giggles and laughters.

Soon as we noticed that the sun was slowly getting bearable, we got to the horseback ride area. We’ve never experienced horseback ride ever, so it was a real thrill to experience it for the first time. It was Mau who tried it first. We were all kind’a afraid at first, but later on we eventually enjoyed it.

We wanted to experience the zipline and cable car. Well, I did experience HK Ocean Park’s breath taking cable car ride. But I wanna experience our very own version as well. Sadly, though, our ‘pa-girl’ outfits and mood, as well as our budget ;( , restricted us from experiencing it.

And so we decided to have a walk around Picnic Grove, where again, couples seem to make ‘asar’ us even more. Lol!!!  On top of an elevated area in the park facing some pine trees (Are they pine trees? Sorry, I wasn’t able to confirm nor recognize.), we observed other groups of happy friends in the area, sweet couples (again), and other people as well.  We swore to the pine tree in front of us that time that the next time we’ll get to Picnic Grove, we’re already with our special someone. Lol!! Talk about bitterness there…. 

As it got darker, we left Picnic Grove and the pine trees and the couples with a somehow happy feeling.  Before we rode a jeepney going to Pala-Pala, we treated ourselves with some goto along the highway.

Much as there are happy reasons to be in a relationship, there are equally happy reasons to be single as well. And going to different places alone with your good friends is one of them.

Sometimes, we need to go beyond the usual things we do to also experience a whole new thing. It may not be that perfect at first. But the element of clean, good thrill it brings can always be a good reason to make us smile once in a while.

Breakfast is a bonding time to her and her mother. In most of the time, she’ll arrive home late and tired to even sit down and converse with her, so the conversation happens during breakfast. The girl with lots of rituals in bathing, she’ll spend about 30-40 minutes in the bathroom. Shampooing and conditioning her hair takes most of the bath time. From the bathroom, she’ll rush to put on her contact lens, which, in most time, difficult to wear. Then, rush again to put on her clothes and makeup. She really has this ‘affinity’ to ‘rushing’ things before coming to work.

Before leaving their home, she’ll kiss her Mom and say good bye. Since she was just a young girl, she never forgets to kiss her Mom before leaving their home (and arriving from work, school, or from anywhere). She feels that it’s the best way to have her mother’s guidance and blessing whenever she’s away from home.

Commuting to work, she’ll walk fast to ride a tricycle, passing the terminal. Tricycle drivers in their place know very well that she’ll pass them by. She’s been into some petty arguments with them before because the tryke won’t leave until there are no vacant seats. Meaning to say, she’ll be late for work (for the nth time!). Then, at the Olivarez-Binan jeepney terminal at the Bulihan entry, she’ll race along with other passengers to get to the jeep as fast as she can instead of waiting for the next jeepney to come (and be late for another more minutes!).

Arriving in Olivarez in Binan, Laguna, she’ll wait for traffic light to turn red so she can cross the busy street. There was a crossover (She thought it was flyover. You see, she can’t just recognize the difference between flyover and crossover. The same way that she’s confuse about a lot of several things. Worst, she’s not even sure that it’s crossover. Lol!) That was constructed in a hurry so the Mayor’s and Vice-Governor’s ultra big names can be flaunted there. Talk about building up a good image for the incoming election. She has tried using this crossover once. But never did it again because live electric wires connecting the big electric posts in the highway are all scattered on the middle part, that’s wide enough for her to hop over (when she’s very pa-girl). One wrong move and you’ll be dead. The nerve of these politicians to flaunt their names on substandard projects like that…

The traffic that she encounters everyday from GMA, Cavite to Olivarez is a bit better compared with the traffic that await for her from Olivarez to San Pedro. This is more so in Pacita where most of the bus terminals are located and in Landayan where it’s flooded by devotees of Jesus in the Holy Sepulcher. This should be a daily scenario that she’s supposed to have mastered dealing with everyday. But no. In most of the time, she still gets frustrated and stressed when the highway suddenly turns into a big parking lot. This girl is very much hates herself for always being late at work.

When she reaches United (short for United San Pedro Subdivision where their office is located) late, she’ll opt to ride a tryke from the terminal, costing P21 (as of this writing). This is her punishment to herself whenever she’s late. She wants the tryke drivers benefit from her being late. But in some rare times when she arrives early, she’ll go for one of the trykes that will stop for her. This cost on P7. A big saving for her daily budget at work.

Arriving at their office, she’ll rush to the comfort room to check on herself. One of the hassles of commuting is the big possibility of you inhaling the polluted air, getting your face oily, and your hair messed up. She wants to make sure that before several of her officemates see her, she’s as presentable as she can be. When she gets to her cubicle, she’ll immediately open her laptop and check for clients’ e-mails or offline messages from her boss and officemates about a project. Positive feedbacks from clients can certainly brighten up her day.

She makes it a point, if she can manages to, to always tune in to RX Monster Radio’s The Morning Rush with Chico and Del, or to Love Radio’s Tambalan to set her mood. These are her favorite radio programs. She really appreciates these radio tandems and loves their views on lots of things. Listening to them brings lots of smiles in her face, as well as silent/controlled laughs.  There was a time when she almost fell on the floor laughing when suddenly a window chat popped out on her laptop screen. It was her boss asking what is she doing at the moment. Good thing that their room is the only area in the entire office that has no web cams. Her boss’ question has nothing to do with her ‘almost fell on the floor from laughing out loud’ status. He was following up on the status of the web sites she’s doing.

In most of the time, she fights with her narcoleptic mood as she digs herself doing her daily writing and editing tasks. There came a time when she can drink about three cups of coffee a day. But hyperacidity trimmed her coffee addiction to just one cup. Green tea then became her alternative for the black drink.

This person I am with everyday learned that she needs to befriend stress. She realized that it’s pointless to let stress affect her life that much since factors causing it are, well, inevitable. It best that way, she knew it.

She has gone through a lot of things most people could never even imagine. But no, don’t get her wrong. Like what most of you know about her, she was raised as a God fearing person and willing to fight for what she believes is right. She’ll remain firm with her belief as long as she knows she is right. But this girl doesn’t think it’s too difficult to say sorry if she’s wrong. She could be the most sincere person you could ever meet.

Since her father died, she was automatically programmed to be strong, more on the emotional aspect, because no one’s there to protect her, her mother, and her two older sisters. She speaks her mind strongly when needed. She’s very transparent with the way she feels and thinks. A thing that some people either love or hate most about her.

This person I am with everyday cries easily. She laughs out loud when very much happy. She screams when she’s too excited or mad.

It took me a while to introduce this person I am with everyday. I guess, I just need to check on her most of the time. To prove that I know her more than everyone else. I know her a lot. So enough to keep her faith whole and make her spirit strong. i know her faith and her family keep her sanity always.

Ninja. It’s not the ninja most people know nor does it refer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Tryin hard to sound funny). The ninja I’m referring to is a slang term for people who disappear without a trace. I’ve met a lot of them. I don’t know why I’m prone to meet people, or specifically guys, like them :(

Ninja One. He used to be my ideal man. My young heart felt so blessed that I’ve met him. But the frequent visits were trim down to none. The next thing I knew was were off. No explanation. I’ve almost drowned my self from tears and took me almost a decade to finally accept that we’re not meant to be. He’s happily married now.

Ninja Two. I have this college crush whom I’ve been ‘spying’ on online for quite some time now. But knowing that a really good friend likes him a lot made me suppressed my feelings. I wanted to think that he likes me as well. But I’m dismissing the thought (Sorry, I can’t help my self to become so ‘feeling’ at times…). I’ve realized that my poor heart no longer deserves to hope and assume. Guys can make you feel ultra special, but they don’t mean it. They don’t mean it because they’re just like that to a lot of girls as well.

Ninja Three. The time I was recovering from my Ninja One, I asked God for some few signs for the next man that I’ll fall in love with. When I started with my second job, God granted all those ‘signs’ and found them all to this guy. He even asked me to marry him. Now, he’s married to someone else.

Ninja Four. He’s a straight forward guy who told me that he likes me and so bold enough to say that maybe, I’m the one he’s been looking for all along. Giving our selves the chance to know if we’d click, I found out that he doesn’t really like me at all. He asked me for more than what I can give. And that’s all he needs to say to turn me off. And then he went ninja per my permission.

Ninja Five (‘Cant believe they’re five). He’s a humble man and I appreciate he’s being so trusting and very vocal about his mom, dad, and sisters. This guy made me think that maybe if we’re not meant for a romantic relationship, we’d click as good friends. I like his personality. But our chats and his calls abruptly ended. I don’t even know if he’s been to the Philippines recently. He said we’ll meet, but we never. I hope nothing’s bad happened to you, friend. To be honest, nag-alala ako more than disappointed. I hope you can read this. Don’t worry, friend. I’m honestly not expecting anything romantic between us. I just know in my heart that you are a good person who can also be a really good friend. Take care wherever you are.

Some of the guys I described here have been mentioned and discussed in my previous blogs. Whenever I try to go back to what had happened, a bit of loneliness still creeps in. I know I should have been writing more on topics that I ought to write about – earthquake in Haiti, incoming Philippine presidential election… So sorry. Sometimes, as much as I wanted to focus my writing more on socially relevant issues, personal issues get in the way…

Meeting ninjas is sad. Maybe something is really wrong with me. Or maybe they’re meant to become ninjas that way. Or maybe, someone who’ll stay is yet to come. As Michael Buble’s song goes ‘I just haven’t met you yet…’

Good evening, everyone! Err, Good morning, rather

This was the same feeling I get during graded recitations back in the university. Though I reviewed and prepared, my confidence doesn’t amount to my capacity to deliver impressive answers to any questions. How can I forget the time my name was called up to recite the summary of Shakespeare’s Hamlet (Or was it Macbeth?) in class? Waahhhh! My face was blushing red in tense, nervousness, fear, and lack of confidence. And my hands were sweating terribly I can almost soak my hanky on it. Lol! I was able to recite it, but boy, I almost consumed the entire period just for that. Lol!

It’s certainly like one hell of a panic attack when you hear your name with really-not-so-good, ear-pleasing statements or announcements. Like last night in our Christmas party. I was praying hard to win one of the major appliances in the raffle. Then suddenly I heard my name being called for. Not for the laptop, home entertainment, DVD player, iPod, or flat TV. But for one of the minor appliances. The thought of me not having the chance any more to win any of those major items made me disappointed. I wanted my name to be called up in the raffle winners, but not at that time yet. Just imagine my disappointment made more awkward by the ‘kantyaw’ of my insensitive officemates when I was receiving the raffle prize. People can be so pathetically insensitive and careless sometimes.

Then came the FilWeb Idols part, the talent competition for each department and the highlight every Christmas party in our company. We know that our presentation is not way behind those of other departments. It was our (my) first time to dance Singkil or folk dance for that matter for a contest (My extracurricular activities back in school were more on essay writing contests and spelling bees and not for performing arts). But it was an ‘Earth, please swallow me now’ moment when I heard the hosts announced that the Writing Department is the first placer. Meaning to say, we no longer hold the throne of being the champion. I saw the disappointment registered on the faces of my team, most particularly for Resty and Ate Me-An, whom we just ‘imported’ even if they are not officially part of the department, and for Nikki and Allan, the babies in our team who experienced the Christmas party in the office for the first time. My disappointment was more for them. I suddenly became so sad I felt a pinch on my heart and heavy breathing. We tasted defeat as if we never became losers ever.

Maybe we just don’t deserve it. Or it’s really not meant for us after all. We played the game the best that we can. I learned that when a bitter situation confronts you face to face, you must try to remain silent and composed. Handle the situation and behave as a thinking person. Don’t stop believing that God has a reason for everything.

Blessed evening, everyone!

Then, suddenly I’m blanked. I’m without a direction what to write about. Staring at the immaculate white MS Word before me, a chat suddenly popped out from my screen. It was my former officemate. Asking for forgiveness and for us being at least ‘civil’ to each other. I can’t. Now. Just for once, please, allow me to be unkind. Sometimes, I wanna get tired of being so kind and understanding to people. Because no matter how nice and sincere you can be to them, they can still return your kindness with pain. God must be frowning at me now. I am so sorry. In due time, I guess, I can be ‘civil’ with them. The pain, I guess, has made me so numb. Again and again. And again.

This was one of those blogging moments when I will start to write a new post then stop because I really don’t have an exact thing in mind to discuss about. I just wanna write and pour out all my thoughts at the moment. And so this post was continued after about almost a month. Lol!!! I got so busy practicing for FilWeb Asia’s Writing Department’s bid to defend our championship (We have this FilWeb Idols talent competition every Christmas party). Add to that the inconvenient scenario at home the past month due to some repair and renovation works. At least now I can sigh with relief that it’s all over now. Our Christmas party was held last night.

LIFE
Should be entrusted to God completely

POLITICS
Most people who are into it are lured by the desire to gain power and money and not by the devotion to serve (God’s) people. It sucks.

PHIL. GOVT
It thinks Filipinos are gullible. But Juan Dela Cruz’s race thinks and acts like one at times, especially during election. So depressing. Beware of the ultra dirty traditional politicians. Mas may silbi sana sila nung dumating sila Ondoy, Peping, at Santi kasi kelangan ng maraming trapo nun panlinis ng maruming kapaligiran (Weeehh.. bad girl… Got it from an entry in Chico and Delamar’s Top Ten in RX Monster Radio)

FAMILY
Second to God. People who’ll love you as you are and help you grow closer to God.

FRIENDSHIP
Truly an amazing God’s gift. No commitment and yet true love resides.

RELATIONSHIPS
Should be an extension of one’s best self. Don’t be into it if you haven’t found yourself yet. It’s not the missing piece that would complete you. That ultra special someone should complement you.

“The most amazing love is the one you have for yourself. And if you find someone who love the YOU you love, then that’s just fabulous..”(Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City”)

SINGLE BLESSEDNESS
If you’re not happy being single, then you can’t be happy if you’re in a relationship as well.

IDEAL DATE
Anywhere that stars (Hey, Spica!) and the moon can be seen best

SWEETEST THING(S) THAT A GUY CAN DO
Sing me a song. Laugh at my super corny jokes.  Pray with me.

WORST THING THAT HE CAN DO
Make me feel that I don’t exist

PEOPLE I CONSIDER MOST WONDERFUL
Those who speak their minds without even trying to impress; those who talk about how much they love their family; those who express their religious faith without bragging how his/her soul would be saved come doomsday; those who dream big and put their hearts on it; those who have scarred soul but stay beautiful

THING THAT CAN FREAK ME OUT AND LOSE MY RESERVED PERSONALITY
Insult me or hurt anyone in my family

UNPLEASANT BEHAVIOR THAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL EXTREMELY UNWORTHY
Scream at my face. It would make me cry in an instant. My Tatay never even did it to me when he was still alive.

ONE OF THE MOST DARING THINGS I EVER DID
Raced through a bus stop to look for my English 23 Instructor (Who extremely disliked me because I’m part of the student paper that she considers “pasaway.” We write articles in the paper against her then because she’s way abusive of her being a teacher) in a bus where I suspected her to be to pass my thesis proposal. The bus had then started to move and I was like crazy looking for her when all along I knew that she had noticed me na. And when I finally saw her, I insisted that she has no reason whatsoever not to accept my proposal. Kasi sabi nya she will not accept propposal once she reached Trece Martirez where she lives. The ride was then halfway through to Indang-Trece boundary and she was like delaying her decision so I would be rejected.

She gave me 3 on the subject. The lowest grade I ever received all my school life, in one of the subjects I like best. One major move that crushed by cum laude dream I promised for my nanay..

MAJOR EGO-BREAKING THING I DID IN 2006 (as of Dec1)
Phoned in someone I’ve been praying to talk to, to ask for a time when we could “settle” “unsettled things.” The talk never materialized (I’m sooooo over this by now anyway. Closure has found its way to my soul last 2007 pa).

ONE OF MY FONDEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
Ate an orange crayon! ‘Was so curious about what would happen when the orange crayon mixed with my red, young blood. I was like 4 or 5 then. My Tatay almost suffered from panic attack.

ENCOUNTER WITH A TERROR ELEM. SCHOOL TEACHER
It was my first time to see a giant world map almost the size of the entire blackboard. I was so amazed by its hugeness that when my teacher called my name to show to the class where an Asian country is, it took me forever to locate it. She was so yamot that she held my head against the board (while I’m praying that may the floor swallow me whole) while screaming right to my face: LAKIHAN mo kasi ang mga mata mo!!!

My enraged nanay showed up to the guidance office the next day. Then I saw my teacher reported to the principal’s office that afternoon, head down. Since then, I became traumatized to teachers with short curly hair, thick eyeglass, big rolling eyes and pregnant-like belly. And since then also, I promised to myself that no one can ever make me feel so ‘tanga’ again. Ever.

ADVICE THAT MY TATAY ALWAYS TELLS ME WHEN HE WAS STILL ALIVE
‘Wag kang papa-api..”

Nag-uubos ka lang ng load,

Everytime na nagti-text ka

Ng tungkol sa buhay mo at sa kahit anong bagay.
Wala ka lang makausap,

Sa tuwing pinagti-tripan mo akong asarin,

Na parang natutuwa ka pa

Kapag naiinis na ako.
Common na sanyong mga lalake

Yung magpa-asa, magpa-sakay.

Na pag naniniwala na kaming mga babae,

Bigla nyo kami bibitawan.
Di lang naman

Ikaw ang na-encounter kong

Ganun. Nagkalat ang mga

Tulad nyo. Bakit nga ba nagkalat

Ang mga tulad nyo?
Ayoko na. Siguro

Nag-expire na rin

Kung ano mang paghanga

Na meron ako sayo.

Di mo rin naman kasi napapansin.
Hindi na lang ako aasa na

Baka nga gusto mo talaga ako kausap,

Na somehow,

May puwang na ako

Sa manhid mong puso.
Magbababad na lang rin siguro

Ako sa anaesthesia.

Tulad mo…