The Person I am With Everyday

A call from her mother and the alarm clock wake her up about 4:30 am every day. In most of the time, she’ll just ignore them and continue to shut her world from the call of a busy world. All the clocks in their home are set about 30 minutes earlier than the real time because her mother says she doesn’t know how to move quickly. It will take about several alarm clock snooze rings and calls downstairs from her mother before she’ll get up. The moment she opens her eyes, she’ll utter a silent prayer for the new life and His continued guidance.

Breakfast is a bonding time to her and her mother. In most of the time, she’ll arrive home late and tired to even sit down and converse with her, so the conversation happens during breakfast. The girl with lots of rituals in bathing, she’ll spend about 30-40 minutes in the bathroom. Shampooing and conditioning her hair takes most of the bath time. From the bathroom, she’ll rush to put on her contact lens, which, in most time, difficult to wear. Then, rush again to put on her clothes and makeup. She really has this ‘affinity’ to ‘rushing’ things before coming to work.

Before leaving their home, she’ll kiss her Mom and say good bye. Since she was just a young girl, she never forgets to kiss her Mom before leaving their home (and arriving from work, school, or from anywhere). She feels that it’s the best way to have her mother’s guidance and blessing whenever she’s away from home.

Commuting to work, she’ll walk fast to ride a tricycle, passing the terminal. Tricycle drivers in their place know very well that she’ll pass them by. She’s been into some petty arguments with them before because the tryke won’t leave until there are no vacant seats. Meaning to say, she’ll be late for work (for the nth time!). Then, at the Olivarez-Binan jeepney terminal at the Bulihan entry, she’ll race along with other passengers to get to the jeep as fast as she can instead of waiting for the next jeepney to come (and be late for another more minutes!).

Arriving in Olivarez in Binan, Laguna, she’ll wait for traffic light to turn red so she can cross the busy street. There was a crossover (She thought it was flyover. You see, she can’t just recognize the difference between flyover and crossover. The same way that she’s confuse about a lot of several things. Worst, she’s not even sure that it’s crossover. Lol!) That was constructed in a hurry so the Mayor’s and Vice-Governor’s ultra big names can be flaunted there. Talk about building up a good image for the incoming election. She has tried using this crossover once. But never did it again because live electric wires connecting the big electric posts in the highway are all scattered on the middle part, that’s wide enough for her to hop over (when she’s very pa-girl). One wrong move and you’ll be dead. The nerve of these politicians to flaunt their names on substandard projects like that…

The traffic that she encounters everyday from GMA, Cavite to Olivarez is a bit better compared with the traffic that await for her from Olivarez to San Pedro. This is more so in Pacita where most of the bus terminals are located and in Landayan where it’s flooded by devotees of Jesus in the Holy Sepulcher. This should be a daily scenario that she’s supposed to have mastered dealing with everyday. But no. In most of the time, she still gets frustrated and stressed when the highway suddenly turns into a big parking lot. This girl is very much hates herself for always being late at work.

When she reaches United (short for United San Pedro Subdivision where their office is located) late, she’ll opt to ride a tryke from the terminal, costing P21 (as of this writing). This is her punishment to herself whenever she’s late. She wants the tryke drivers benefit from her being late. But in some rare times when she arrives early, she’ll go for one of the trykes that will stop for her. This cost on P7. A big saving for her daily budget at work.

Arriving at their office, she’ll rush to the comfort room to check on herself. One of the hassles of commuting is the big possibility of you inhaling the polluted air, getting your face oily, and your hair messed up. She wants to make sure that before several of her officemates see her, she’s as presentable as she can be. When she gets to her cubicle, she’ll immediately open her laptop and check for clients’ e-mails or offline messages from her boss and officemates about a project. Positive feedbacks from clients can certainly brighten up her day.

She makes it a point, if she can manages to, to always tune in to RX Monster Radio’s The Morning Rush with Chico and Del, or to Love Radio’s Tambalan to set her mood. These are her favorite radio programs. She really appreciates these radio tandems and loves their views on lots of things. Listening to them brings lots of smiles in her face, as well as silent/controlled laughs.  There was a time when she almost fell on the floor laughing when suddenly a window chat popped out on her laptop screen. It was her boss asking what is she doing at the moment. Good thing that their room is the only area in the entire office that has no web cams. Her boss’ question has nothing to do with her ‘almost fell on the floor from laughing out loud’ status. He was following up on the status of the web sites she’s doing.

In most of the time, she fights with her narcoleptic mood as she digs herself doing her daily writing and editing tasks. There came a time when she can drink about three cups of coffee a day. But hyperacidity trimmed her coffee addiction to just one cup. Green tea then became her alternative for the black drink.

This person I am with everyday learned that she needs to befriend stress. She realized that it’s pointless to let stress affect her life that much since factors causing it are, well, inevitable. It best that way, she knew it.

She has gone through a lot of things most people could never even imagine. But no, don’t get her wrong. Like what most of you know about her, she was raised as a God fearing person and willing to fight for what she believes is right. She’ll remain firm with her belief as long as she knows she is right. But this girl doesn’t think it’s too difficult to say sorry if she’s wrong. She could be the most sincere person you could ever meet.

Since her father died, she was automatically programmed to be strong, more on the emotional aspect, because no one’s there to protect her, her mother, and her two older sisters. She speaks her mind strongly when needed. She’s very transparent with the way she feels and thinks. A thing that some people either love or hate most about her.

This person I am with everyday cries easily. She laughs out loud when very much happy. She screams when she’s too excited or mad.

It took me a while to introduce this person I am with everyday. I guess, I just need to check on her most of the time. To prove that I know her more than everyone else. I know her a lot. So enough to keep her faith whole and make her spirit strong. i know her faith and her family keep her sanity always.

Missing the Most Important Man in My Life

I am moving my Friendster blog entries here in Letters from Spica. Originally posted on March 13, 2007, this is one of my most read entries.

My Tatay was a retired Philippine Army Second Lieutenant before he had myocardial infarction (He was a heavy drinker and a chain smoker), making his lower limb totally paralyzed. He never wanted to use a wheelchair for his mobility and opted instead to use a tungkod. We saw how he fought that depression coming over him. He was losing one of the greatest battles in his life…

He was very ma-pride so even though we knew that he was having a hard time coping with his condition, we let him do his thing. At around every 6 in the morning, I would be awakened by an AM news broadcast, while he noisily prepares a brewed coffee. His grip was badly affected so there were times na nabibitawan nya yung tablespoon and cup. Then he would recite his litany in mixed Ilocano and English about his hatred against the Philippine government, how it is neglecting the AFP personnel, and those politicians doing nothing but to make their wallets fat.

Despite his condition, his rules still dominated our house. He even painted TV HOURS on our wall so that we would be reminded of what we should accomplish each day before watching TV.  He did that sked way before he was sick. Yung TV kasi namin before ay de-susi at sya lang ang may hawak ng susi. He would just allow us to watch TV soon as we’re done studying our lessons and homework. Every time we arrive from school, we have to report to him what we have done the whole day. He would cry every time I would show him three stars on my quizzes and assignments. That’s when I learned what tears of joy means!

I never regret being subjected to his house rules. They made me realize that everything has its own sweet time. Pag pinilit mo kasi ng di pa oras, mabibigo ka lang…Passing days even made him more physically weak. His suffering was killing my Nanay. My Tatay never wanted to be confined in the Philippine Veterans Hospital and be taken care of by a nurse cousin. Mamamatay ako kung mamamatay ako is what he would always say whenever we insist to bring him to the hospital.

One evening, I heard him call me from his room. Bunso… He asked me to keep him company until he falls asleep. I refused to keep him company that night because I was too absorbed by the television program. That night, I had this dream: I was in a fairy tale place. A fairy asked me to make a wish and I told her I wanted a mountain of candies and goodies! What do you expect a six year old girl to wish then?! When I was granted the wish and had consumed a part of it, I had a toothache, which caused me to lose my front tooth. Crying over that toothache, I heard my Nanay crying from that fairy tale place. I have no idea then about the myth on the ‘connection’ between losing a tooth in a dream and death of loved ones. I eventually woke up and rushed to where my Nanay was, beside my dying Tatay. How can I ever forget this moment? Me and my two older sisters started to cry. My Tatay can no longer speak a word. He just gestured us to come near him and touched our faces for the last time. Then he was rushed to the hospital. My sisters and I never stopped crying until our Nanay arrived. She hugged us very tight and said “Wala na ang Tatay nyo…”

My Tatay was declared DOA in the hospital. I can’t clearly remember everything that followed after. All I could remember was the pain of losing my Tatay… The disease caused his death. He was 63 when he left us. He was more than 20 years older than my Nanay when they were married.

It took me 18 long years to finally put these things into writing. Up to these days, I still cry really hard every time I remember my Tatay. There are things I confront now, personal battles that is, that badly need his fatherly advice. I basically grew up without a father. My Nanay never remarried. She told us that she would never love any other man than my Tatay. I still keep their love letters dated early ‘70s. My Tatay’s codename was Blue Hawaii, while my Nanay was Baby Blue.

Before we moved from Makati to Cavite in 1996, it was very easy for us to visit my Tatay in Libingan Ng Mga Bayani since it is very near our home then. But things are far more different now…

Why I am writing all these things now? Wala lang. I’m just missing the most important man in my life…