Daily Vacation of this Weirdness of Me

Watching TV is really not my cup of tea. I don’t know why this weirdness of me never developed that much interest to television. The same is true with movies. This weirdness of me really never became that addicted to them. I do of course watched and closely followed a couple of TV programs (well, ‘Ewoks,’ ‘Care Bears,’ and ‘Meteor Garden.’ LOL!!! A friend once told me that he remembers me whenever he recalls the image of Care Bears Ahhm.. I do watch tv programs and films but it’s more on like, I’ll be ok even if can’t get to watch any movies for a couple of years or so; or that, I can survive a day or week without a television.

Behind this ‘apathy’ to those famous visual entertainments (add computer games or games to films and tv) is my affinity to radio (or music for that matter. ‘don’t have iPod or MP4 and I don’t think I’ll be buying any of them in the future. I’m contented with my cell phone radio) and well, books I’m so more into them that I can’t last a day without having my daily dose of music and reading moments. On my bed just beside my big pillow are lots of reading stuff I don’t know which one I started to read or need to continue. LOL!!! I read each depending on my mood! LOL!!! There’s the Bible of course, but God, so sorry haven’t read it in a while. It feels as if I’m not ‘yet’ deserving to read it by now. So I depend on our Friday Bible study in the office, Saturday Bible study at home, and Sunday service to feed my Bible hungry soul and spirit.

Why this came to my senses ‘again’ is brought by my recent exposure to FB. Friend invites to play games constantly receive ‘ignore’ actions, you can never see a single trace that I played any of them. I feel so lost to this social networking site whenever I see friend updates on the games they played, while me is contented to adding friends and accepting some non-game invites, chatting, checking some profiles, viewing photos, and ‘spying’ some people.

I tried spending several hours sitting on the Internet reading few good stuff online or be entertained by some Youtube videos. At the end of the day, I still go back to radio or music and books to accompany me as I recall how I spent the entire day, miss someone, think of someone, try to catch sleep, or keep my self silent to pray. Nothing compares to that ‘vacation’ when you flip through each page or have your soul serenade by some beautiful music.

Good evening everyone!

Zach, thank you for reading my blog! Please teach me how to speak German some time

Weeding Out

Originally posted on my FS blog on April 19, 2009

Whenever I pray that may He lead me to the man He has chosen for me, it is always with this ‘subwish’ that may He lead me away from those with bad intentions. I have long been praying for this one particular and vulnerable aspect of my life. Some of the worst decisions in my life, I guess, are those related to my emotions. And yes, emotional exhaustion is difficult to cure. This has brought some of my temporary depressions over broken relationships, ‘almost relationships,’ and that sharp feeling of rejection. I have had my heart terribly bruised and worst, have seen it broken into pieces as I cry almost a river of tears. Call it exaggeration, but I am honestly resolved to describe those sad times with these adjectives.

After going through that heartbreaking phase of being an option (well, I was eliminated ) few months ago, just recently, I found myself in another times of gullibility. He was one of those ‘trying to find my destiny’ guy in a chat site who eventually spotted me on web cam. Somewhat confident of his profession, he introduced himself as single, 30-year-old Philippine Marines Officer, claiming a clean slate of no kids and no wife(ves) status. It was this feeling of affinity that made me want to entertain him, his persistence included, because my late father was also a serviceman.

And so we went through that cliché getting-to-know-each-other stage via SMS, with me spending an all txt 20 load each day, which I never did before (I am not into texting that much since I bought my Acer notebook). Basing plainly on his text messages (though we met via chat, this stage was built on SMS since we are both busy on our own careers to go OL always), I have concluded that he is a very honest man who can bravely speak out his mind. So honest that when we discussed this certain topic announced via an FM station, we immediately found ourselves at the opposite end of the pole. It is an important topic for me. And I was so turned off about his views. That was enough for me to bid goodbye to our SMS courtship phase, with a message that goes: “Oh, I think I am not the one you are looking for. Thank you anyway for all your time. Good luck and God bless..”

Was I depressed again after this? NO. As a Christian woman who always feels God’s guidance, I treated it as His way of responding to my prayers: “…may He lead me away from those with bad intentions.” I believe that He is weeding out those men who won’t give me any good and those who will just take advantage of me. God knows all the pains that I went through. The experience is making me see how He works in my life. There was never a time when I felt that He abandoned me or my family.

Weeding out. Maybe this is what He is currently doing with my life. He is preserving me for that man He has chosen for me, for that man whom I deserve and who deserves me.

I am letting Him do his will to me and to my entire family. I believe that His choices are the best. For as long as I am resting my faith on Him, He will protect me against those ‘weeds.’