Self Defense

I started to appreciate this guy back in 2006,  when I saw him again after several years. His pains and struggles made us somewhat ‘close,’ I thought. He made me wanted to care for him. But I was holding back the feelings. It was too awkward. My appreciation for him, I guess, wants/needs to take a back seat for now. I don’t wanna yearn for someone who’s attention is not mine. Or maybe, really not meant for me at all. To let go of it and to surrender this aspect of my life to Him, I’m posting this poem for you to mark my farewell to that emotion. Weeh… So emo! LOL!!! I’ve actually made this poem in 2008 pa. The poem is more than a year old already.

Self Defense

Nag-uubos ka lang ng load,

Everytime na nagti-text ka

Ng tungkol sa buhay mo at sa kahit anong bagay.
Wala ka lang makausap,

Sa tuwing pinagti-tripan mo akong asarin,

Na parang natutuwa ka pa

Kapag naiinis na ako.
Common na sanyong mga lalake

Yung magpa-asa, magpa-sakay.

Na pag naniniwala na kaming mga babae,

Bigla nyo kami bibitawan.
Di lang naman

Ikaw ang na-encounter kong

Ganun. Nagkalat ang mga

Tulad nyo. Bakit nga ba nagkalat

Ang mga tulad nyo?
Ayoko na. Siguro

Nag-expire na rin

Kung ano mang paghanga

Na meron ako sayo.

Di mo rin naman kasi napapansin.
Hindi na lang ako aasa na

Baka nga gusto mo talaga ako kausap,

Na somehow,

May puwang na ako

Sa manhid mong puso.
Magbababad na lang rin siguro

Ako sa anaesthesia.

Tulad mo…