Brain Cells

Jing, a dear friend of mine, told me a piece of advice I always try to remember: ‘Ang brain cells, irreplaceable at di nagmu-multiply. Sayang lang ang brain cells mo if mapupuno lang ng sadness at pain. Dapat happy thoughts.’

Sayang ang brain cells…

Everytime na naiisip ko ang lalaking paulit-ulit akong niyaya magpakasal nun, via chat lang, na all along ay di naman pala seryoso. Gullible kasi ako at times. I go back to that advice…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa officemate ko na sobrang interested sa buhay ko na lahat ng kilos ko ay pinupuna at lagi syang may negatibong komento, iniisip ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa mga pasaway na tryke drivers sa terminal malapit samen, pati na rin mga ilang jeepney drivers (sorry po for including you here…) na nakakalimutan yatang naghahanap-buhay rin ako at kelangan kong pumasok ng maaga tuwing inaabot sila ng dekada pagkuha at paghihintay ng pasahero, nire-recall ko sa isip ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Sa tuwing may nangungulit magtanong why I’m still single until this time, yung tanong na may halong pangungutya at the back of their minds, deep sigh na lang tsaka…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag may pasaway at maligalig na client sa office, think straight and properly pa rin tsaka…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag depress-depressan ang mood ko, iiyak lang ako saglit kahit parang mukha na akong tanga then naiisip ko yung advice…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag may naiinis saken at pinaparamdam at pinapakita talagang inis sya saken, tatahimik lang ako while uttering lots of prayers in my head para i-deal ng tama ang sitwasyon (yun ay kung na-control ko rin ang katarayan ko… joke! lol!), then sasabihin ko sa sarili ko…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Pag naguguluhan na ako sa nangyayari at di na keri ng powers ko, maingay ang katahimikan sa isip ko dahil gusto ko magdasal, kahit paluha na ang mga mata ko. Then feeling ko sinasabi saken ng isang angel…

Sayang ang brain cells…

Hayz.. Just last night, may 2 bagay akong prinomise sa Kanya. Sabi ko, part of that ‘little sacrifice’ is para sa isang makulit na hiling ko sa Kanya matagal na. Sana di Sya nakukulitan saken Ayoko na kasi sana magkaron ng useless fears and worries.

Sayang ang brain cells…

Kaya God, please continue to take charge of our lives po

Good night everyone! Special thank you to Warren Wong for taking time to always read my mushy sentiments sa blog ko na to… God bless…

Twenty-Something’s Crisis

I felt the need to repost this blog from my FS, which I originally posted on October 20, 2007. This has some additional tidbits, but basically retained the original post. I want to create a new entry related to this..
Katz, Nax, Peter, thank you so much for reading/visiting my blog  :)

I read an article somewhere na when you’re twenty something daw, you’ll tend to experience the so called “middle life crisis.” This, according to the article, is the stage daw when you suddenly become confused about a lot of things: your self, career, relationship and friends. Reading through the piece, I have concluded that I have gone through that stage. Ang hirap, sobra. I hated my self so much. It’s as if i’m not the “thinking and strong edz” as I know my self to be.

I resigned from my work as an Information Analyst in Alabang because I was too burned out. I like the work pero “napagod” talaga ako. From Alabang, I moved to Makati as a web content writer. The American employer was so strict that I can’t imagine my self staying there for another day. So I quitted again. Then came another opportunity from another web services outsourcing firm in Mandaluyong. I was about to start na pero bigla na naman ako nagkaroon ng reservations. Yun, di ko na naman tinuloy. Kahit very competitive sana ng salary and benefits.

Dami ko confusion no’n about my career. But now, I’m very happy na with my work. Kahit sobrang nakaka-pressure, I honestly love the challenge that goes with it. Nahihirapan lang ako sa idea na mahirap makipagsabayan pag sobrang galing ng mga colleagues mo. But so far, I can manage to deal with it the best way that I can. I’m so thankful that God put me in a job na sobrang bait ng employer. My current boss is one in a million. Sya lang ang boss na willing ka ipagtimpla ng coffee just to motivate you to finish your job. At sya lang ang boss na pag pressured and stressed ay nagti-treat ng bongga sa buong office. And sya yung boss na nagre-reflect un faith nya sa buong operation ng company. Anyone in the office pwede nyo tanungin about this. From the guards to the utility people, same treatment sya.

The “middle life crisis” I’ve dealt with also made me so lonely and alone about my being single. “Why can’t I find the man God has chosen for me when I’m actually ready na to commit (again) to a serious relationship.” Para akong tanga thinking that my biological clock is ticking so fast like a time bomb! Hehe…

But then again, I realized.. Ano naman ngayon kung single pa rin ako?!! (Kasi naman po, most of my batchmates are into a serious relationship na or are happily married na!). I have come to appreciate my being single like a bitter pill (sabi nga ni quickmelt sa Youngblood 1). I’ll stick to my faith that in God’s perfect time, the right man will come along. .

I’m just so thankful na na-overcome ko ang stage na yun. Now, i’m more certain that I am a better person. Mahirap yung “middle life crisis” na yun, Grabe! It came to a point kasi na I’m not eating properly na, tapos naging insomniac ako kakaisip ng mga useless fears and confusions. Grabe talaga yung depression ko nun. My family and friends are just so supportive of me to remind me of my worth and lift up my spirit. Prayers help me a lot of course. Yun ang hindi ko winala nung mga panahon na yun..

To everyone who’s going through that crisis, just stay strong and pray a lot.. God knows the desires of our heart..

Basta kasi, sometimes listening to your self talaga is the best decision there is.. And, if somethin is really meant for you, the universe will conspire to make it happen.. God bless everyone!

Love is Here and Now According to Ryu

Guys’ views about love and relationship give me a whole new perspective about these topics. I hear mostly opinions of my girl friends. And most of the time, we always end up with the same views, which makes me realize that I am failing to see the other side of the coin. I’m trying to gather as many views of males as I can to have a ‘balanced’ perception of things. So here, I’m sharing a chat transcript with one of my closest male friends. It gave me a different and interesting insight and I hope you can learn something to contemplate about, particularly all my single girl friends out there who regularly read my blog (Special hi and hello to Karren of Winnipeg   )

Note: my blank lines are emoticons

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:14:40 PM): i thought kasi nagbago ka na po.. na pinagbago na ng marriage ang pananaw mo sa bagay na yan

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:14:47 PM): Me tao kc n n0stalgc, db lagng sa past nkatingn

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:15:07 PM): at you mean to say, ganun ka?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:15:13 PM): Waah. . .An0 b ako?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:15:20 PM): N0pe

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:15:22 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:15:44 PM): Mer0n naman na. . .Here and n0w pers0n. . .

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:16:28 PM): Mer0n din naman na lagng w0ndrin wat d future h0lds

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:17:37 PM): U cn c nmn s acti0ns un. .D lang sa cnsbi nya

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:18:01 PM): Ako kc ung here and n0w

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:18:27 PM): Karamihan sa atin ang ganun

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:18:55 PM): Kaya nga db, ang dali ko mg. I love u. . .Db?

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:19:02 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:19:23 PM): Like wat?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:20:02 PM): Pero un nga malaki ang value sken ng present kumpara sa past

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:20:40 PM): Kc ung past kht blik blikan m0, kung tinalikuran ka na, la n rin value un

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:20:54 PM): how about yung future?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:20:58 PM): Ah

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:21:09 PM):

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:21:16 PM): gusto ko yung forever eh

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:21:32 PM): Db nkadepende sa acti0ns m0 n0w ung future?

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:21:35 PM): wala na bang nag-eexist na ganun, ryu

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:22:07 PM): F0rever edz? Walang ganun. Yun ang reality

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:22:21 PM): Wla kng mkikta gnun.

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:23:00 PM): Pssimstc lng cguro ko pero. . .Myth un para sken

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:23:25 PM): nalulungkot naman ako dyan, ryu

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:23:46 PM): alam ba ng wife mo ang ganyang pananaw mo na yan?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:23:52 PM): Pero pwd nman natin phlgahan at ingatan ang present, kun an0 meron tyo nw, para mpahba ntin

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:24:03 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:24:36 PM): we nvr talk abt it. U want to knw why?

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:24:50 PM): bakit?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:25:31 PM): Sayang an oras para mgwory ng mgwory. . .Wat if ng wat if.

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:25:45 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:25:52 PM): Just enj0y what we have n0w.

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:26:00 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:26:33 PM): Sayang oras tlga, tlgng kmi arw arw we clebr8 our 2gthernes

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:27:46 PM): basta ayoko ng ganung concept

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:27:59 PM):  as if naman hinihingi mo opinyon ko eh no?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:28:06 PM): Oks lng po un

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:28:44 PM): Msarap edz un mas mraming h0pes kesa d0ubts. .

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:28:46 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:28:57 PM): Ntatawa din ako

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:29:04 PM): bat ka natatawa?

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:29:31 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:29:56 PM): Ask my wife , and she’l say wg m n pkawalan yan. . Hehe

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:30:26 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:30:42 PM): Pero pg ako tnan0ng m, the ocean is wide, start fishng

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:31:11 PM): Dpnd nga sa p0int of view eh. . Mgulo b ko

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:31:27 PM): i hate your views!!!

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:32:22 PM): even if the ocean is wide, i’m sure you’ll be tired fishing

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:32:24 PM): Waah. . .Bsta an punt0 ko, iniingatan ko at gngwa ko lahat n mapreserve ung hapines namin n0w.

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:32:47 PM): I d0nt thnk uv startd at ol

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:33:08 PM): started what?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:33:56 PM): Cast ur net far and wide, d0nt settle for mr.Obscure, or mr.Vague, or mr.Enigma

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:34:19 PM): Try to find mr.Crystal clear

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:34:31 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:34:47 PM): Nanerm0n na nga ang lolo m0

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:35:18 PM): Edz. Mahalaga k sken. Lalo ka na sken sa sbdo

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:35:19 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:35:34 PM): Naku naman

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:35:40 PM): dahil sa mga sinasabi mong yan

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:35:54 PM): Charge muna ko ph0ne

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:36:01 PM): mukhang magiging single na ako forever

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:36:06 PM): An0 p0? Lowbt nko

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:36:16 PM): sige po charge ka muna

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:36:26 PM): Waah. . .Mali ata pg.Explain ko

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:36:32 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:37:18 PM): Love kta sis. At mas mhlaga ang hapines n0w. Kesa extacy sa future

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:37:30 PM):

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:38:07 PM): Papiliin kta, 300pes0s ngaun na. O 3000 sa 2015?

ryugeneral (12/1/2008 8:38:42 PM): Ako ung 300ngaun. Kc lht ng bgay. Ngdedevaluate!

edz_ravina (12/1/2008 8:38:55 PM): oo naman no

A Rose Made Me Cry

A male friend gave me a long stemmed, red rose. Although I appreciate the fact that a close friend bothered enough to paint a smile on my face through that rose, I felt more like crying than being happy.

He actually asked me to go with him to a flower shop to buy his girlfriend three long-stemmed, red roses. Maybe he was just too modest and careful not to make me feel so awkward that time. I felt like crying because of self pity. Of envy. Of sadness. Of frustration.

I always feel this way whenever I hear and see how inlove my male friends are. How happy they are knowing that they have already found their ‘one.’ Their cute gestures and expressions whenever they tell me about their girl. How they are transformed into a whole new person. How love changed their life.

That’s exactly the kind of love I deserve. Maybe it’s true what they say that you need to set certain standards. And maybe mine is that. This makes me stay away to and protect myself against those who will just hurt me and those who are simply not that into me.

‘Pa-cute’ and high school types of courtship don’t suit me now. What I want and need is something real, for long term… for lifetime. It’s not as if I need a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Or just to make my officemates and our guards at the office stop making ‘kantyaw’ at me about my being single. Or just to have someone who can bring me over at some fancy restaurants. Or someone who can invite me at the mall to watch a film (oh, am not into movies that much  My idea of having a boyfriend now is far beyond those things.

While I wait for ‘my turn,’ I’ll stay happy for all my friends who are happily inlove right now. And for that rose my male friend gave me, it’ll stay as a sweet and beautiful friendly gift. But I know, the rose and all the flowers that will be given to me by that one exclusive person are starting to find their way to me now.  And yes, I’m looking forward to receiving them personally from him.